Meta Knight is Bad at Making Doughnuts
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Chocolate doughnuts for his majesty. Is that so much to ask? Apparently for Meta Knight, this could be his greatest challenge yet...


Meta Knight set his book down on the floor. "What do you mean I have to?" he grumbled.

Escargoon crossed his arms and posed sassily. "Don't give me any lip, Metal Head! You have no right to decline my direct orders. Now go bake me some doughnuts!"

Meta Knight stood up and glared at Escargoon. "Why can't you just get your Waddle Dees to do it. You have hundreds of them."

"Waddle Dees can't cook."

"Then get somebody who can. Chef Kawasaki, maybe?"

Escargoon scoffed. "That's an even worse suggestion! Now get to the kitchen and quick slacking!"

Meta Knight sighed and left the room. Escargoon eyed him with a cocky smile.

Meta Knight entered the castle kitchen and grabbed a recipe book. He spent half an hour straining over the instructions for chocolate doughnuts. It took him another six hours to succeed in baking a plateful.

He brought his dish over to Escargoon for a test. Escargoon immediately spat them out. "These things taste like monkey butt!"

"I tried," Meta Knight said with a mixture of shame and annoyance.

"I can't give these to the king!" Escargoon raged and threw the plate at the wall. It shattered and some Waddle Dees zoomed into the room and cleaned everything up in the blink of an eye. "Try harder this time!"

Meta Knight groaned and went back to the kitchen. He kept failing to cook properly and was getting severely frustrated. "I am in dire need of culinary assistance."

Meta Knight snuck out of the castle and soared about Dreamland in order to find some help with his mission.

He found an assortment of handier individuals and brought them all into the kitchen.

"You better not be partying," said Escargoon with a scowl.

"All right, gang. I need you're help to prepare a plate of chocolate doughnuts," announced Meta Knight.

"No prob," said Taranza with six piece-o-cake signs. "I'm an expert at cooking!"

"Cooking won't bring Sectonia back," said Marx with a sneer. Taranza immediately began bawling his many eyes out.

"Anyone else?" asked Meta Knight nervously. His sanity was at stake.

"Oy, no whingin', mate!" said Rick. "We'll jus' toss heaps o' dough on the barby and be at it by tea. 'Ave ya nuts 'fore we shoot through. We'll be right done in a jif. Gon' 'ave a bloody ripper time fetchin' a meal wit' ya, yeah?"

Meta Knight blinked twice. "What?"

"Poyo!" squeaked Kirby as he carried a big bag of flour from across the room. He tripped and dumped the whole sack on Magolor.

"Ooh, I'm beginning to dig this new look!" said Magolor as Gooey slid over and started licking him.

"Hold it!" cried Meta Knight. "We can't be wasting all the ingredients!"

"Don't tell me what to do, Swordie," said Magolor. "It's my day."

"I thought your day was on Sundays?" said Coo confused. "Today's Tuesday…"

Magolor chuckled. "Every day is Magolor Day!"

"Speaking of Magolor… Meta Knight, do you have an egg separator?" asked Susie as she stirred a bowl full of batter. "I need one right now."

Meta Knight had no idea what that was. He handed Susie a lug nut wrench. Susie shook her head.

"Ooh, I have an idea!" Marx snickered as he tiptoed over to Meta Knight and swiped his mask. Meta Knight hid his face in his cape. Marx handed the mask to Susie and she separated the eggs with it.

"Wait, I've never seen his face before," said Knuckle Joe. "Let me take a peak at a warrior's true form."

"NEVER! Now get back to work!" cried Meta Knight.

Marx grinned devilishly. "Oh, come now! What a disrespectful way to treat your subourdinates, blue boy."

"Well, if it gets you back to work faster…" Meta Knight mumbled. He unveiled his face to everyone and they all stifled their laughter as best as they could.

All of a sudden, Kirby pointed and cried "Kaa-bi!"

Everyone immediately lost it and burst into a fit of hilarity.

Meta Knight growled, grabbed his mask back from Susie and slammed it back onto his face. He did not even care that there was still eggy residue all over it.

"Oh my!" chuckled Marx. "What a looker our esteemed knight of Dreamland is!"

"I am so tweeting about this!" cried Taranza as he posted a pic of maskless Meta Knight with his cell phone.

"Tweeting won't bring Sectonia back!" sang Marx as he bounced around the room. Taranza began crying again.

"Can we stop remarking about my clearly chiseled jawline and get baking already?" seethed Meta Knight. He looked into Susie's bowl and shuddered.

Kine poked his head out of the batter and wept. "Tiff does not love me. My dismantled soul deserves not a hopeless vessel such as I in which to dwell. Take me to the oven…"

"This is depressing…" said Prince Fluff.

"Yeah, it's almost as depressing as the fact that Taranza will never get a girlfriend," chirped Marx with glee. "Because she's DEAD!"

"Marx, why are you still here?" hissed Knuckle Joe.

"Just to make you suffer!"

Several more hours passed, but the cooking crew finally managed to finish another plate of doughnuts. Meta Knight carried them because he did not trust a single soul in the room.

"It's about time, you losers," said Escargoon as he leaned on the table with his trademark slimy sass on full display.

"Here you go, your majesty…" mumbled Meta Knight as he handed the jerky snail his platter.

Escargoon took a bite. "Hmm…"

"And?" asked Gooey.

"We made them with love!" said Magolor. "And apples. BTDubs, you owe me cash."

"Well… they don't seem to be making me sick…" said Escargoon. "I suppose they are suitable for the king…"

"Oh, thank goodness…" said Meta Knight with a sigh of relief.

"Hey, Dedede!" called Escargoon. "Soup's on! Get your butt in here!"

Dedede trudged in and breathed heavily. "I'm starvin'!" he boomed.

"Here, sire! Have some delicious doughnuts that _I _made all by _myself_!" Escargoon sneered at the chefs.

"I half-expected this…" muttered Coo.

"Hey, dees taste pretty good!" said the king between crunches. He wolfed down the entire plate and smacked his big round belly. "Delish!"

"Glad you enjoyed the blessed meal, Sire!" said Escargoon.

"What those scrubs doin' lookin' at me all hungry-eyed?" asked Dedede, pointing to Meta Knight and the others.

"Oh yes… Beat it, you moochers!" snapped Escargoon. Meta Knight and his crew turned away and left the dining hall.

Several minutes later, Dedede felt a strange sensation in his gut. "What's goin' on here?"

"What's wrong, Sire?" Escargoon stammered worriedly.

Dedede then fell to the floor. His belly transformed into a shadowy maw, lined with skewering teeth. He floated upwards and started chasing Escargoon around the room. Escargoon screamed and spent the rest of the day trying to escape the nightmare.

Meanwhile, Meta Knight and his doughnut crew were busy cleaning up the kitchen.

"What a roight bloomin' dingo that bloke o' Deed's is!" grumbled Rick.

"You said it, man!" nodded Taranza, not understanding a single word.

"Kirby stop licking the floor and help us wash these dishes!" growled Knuckle Joe, using Prince Fluff as a dish rag.

Kirby whined and left the mysterious green splotch on the ground to be cleaned up by someone else.

"What a waste of my time…" sighed Meta Knight. "I could have been reading instead of cooking for that dumb snail."

"I could have been wallowing in my mounting sorrow…" sobbed Kine like a loser because he chose to instead of delighting in the positive things in life.

"At least you tried your best, Meta Knight," said Susie. "And we had a few laughs along the way!"

Meta Knight remembered the mask incident. "Yeah… sure… don't remind me…"

"Yo, Marx," said Magolor. "Why have you been smiling this whole time? Aren't you bummed about what that snail dude did to us?"

Marx winked at Magolor. "I'm just hoping the two of them are enjoying the secret ingredient I added before we tossed the treats on the table."

**THE END**


End file.
